Things I Worry About On A Daily Basis And To No End, Volume 3

That Psychology of Aging class I’m taking? The one where we talk about old people and I am reminded every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday that I never want to get old, that class?

Yeah – I’m not doing so hot in it. For the first time ever, I’m doing poorly in a course simply because I don’t care.

I won’t fail the course – I don’t think I’m that far gone quite yet, but holy shiz, this will by far be the easiest C- I’ve ever earned.

Too bad for my GPA that it will only be affected by less than half a point.

Too bad for me that I couldn’t care less.

(But for real – I’ve gotta step it up a bit. Starting with the paper that is due tomorrow. That, um, I’m only a third of the way finished with. Right – I’m going to stop there.)

The Story of a Girl.

I have so much to say but finally no way to say it. Nothing will come out like I want it to, and I’m getting frustrated.

What I wanted to do was tell the story about how I fell in and out of love with a boy I’m still crazy about. How he told me he loved me, and how, though I’m more single now than I’ve ever been,  I’m more comfortable with it than I’ve ever been. I wanted to tell a beautifully written account  of how I’m put together when I thought I’d be broken.

I wanted to have it laid out on a screen, a puzzle of words put perfectly together to form the picture that is our relationship, a funny one that I cherish deeply, but instead all I can do is hit backspace.

And remind myself, that what I’ve got, this relationship that’s been built, what I’ve worked so hard to feel, is authentic. It doesn’t need a regular reassurance and it doesn’t need the pretense of emotion.

This relationship needs a girl, who had the help of a boy whom she will always love, to love herself, and she’ll find that sometimes singularity isn’t the worst the world can offer.

Right Now I Love…

• Sweet friends that call me by cute nick-names
• OCTOBER
• KINGS of LEON. Did I mention that I went to their concert? Or that I was in the FRONT ROW of the SOLD OUT SHOW at PHILIP’S ARENA? Like, could see Caleb’s facial hair kinda close? Yeah, post on that to come. It was freaking awesome.
• Weather at or below 50 degrees
• Sick days wherein I don’t leave my bed for at least 10 straight hours (although, nearly 30 minutes ago I was rolling around dying. I think I’m going to live)
• The fact that my mom called when I thought I was dying, told me to have some hot tea and go back to sleep, that she hoped I felt better, but SORRY! she had to run! (thanks, Mom)
• GLEE. I have all of the music from the first season so far. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, come back when you’ve caught up and we can discuss.
• Christmas parties. Yep, not even Thanksgiving yet, but you better believe Tacky Christmas 2.0 is in the works, and I’ve already been invited to two others.
• This video by Bon Iver, who probably deserves a bullet point just with his name alone. I’m obsessed.

Things I Worry About On A Daily Basis And To No End, Volume 2

Girl: do you know that i am terrified of what if i die and my dad finds out about my debt?!

Girl: ohhhhhhh the agony

SBR:  Hahahaha

Girl: ok that just cheered me up a bit….I’m too motherfcking dramatic

Girl: but seriously, file me for bankruptcy and don’t let my parents find out

Girl: kthanks

Ladies and Gentlemen,

We have lots to discuss. October’s been off to a whirl-wind, and I’m pretty sure this is the best month ever. Due to a bit of overconsumption, lack of sleep, and an overall good time had by all I’m still worn out from the past few days, but I’ll leave you a bit of what I’m loving right now:

• I’m. Going. To. KINGS OF LEON!!!!!!!! This Friday!!!!! No amount of !!!!!! can fully express just how excited I am. Jealous? I was too until my friend E (slash new BFF) who I interned with told me that I was coming with her, surprise! Um, she’s the bomb for that.
• This past weekend. It was nothing short of a shit show (football and otherwise), but it was definitely one of the greatest.
• Football, football, and more football. Home games, away games, tailgating, and drunk obnoxious Georgia fans. Nothing like it.
• ROCKtober. I’ll be seeing Dave Barnes, Kings of Leon, and Marc Broussard all this month. I’m trying to see what else I can add to that list.
• Boys, boys, boys.
• Running. I was totally that girl that I hate on Friday night running around campus before going out, but it was too perfect outside to not.
  
• Mi familia. I haven’t seen them in ages and I’ll be seeing them soon.
• Pumpkin and/or Ginger spice lattes
• Cool weather

How much do you love October right now?

waiting all this time to be something I can’t define

What’s the protocol for telling someone you really, really miss them when you know you’re better without them?

I want someone to fill the empty space in my heart right now

_____________________________________________________

And will someone please tell me when in the hell I became so needy?

_____________________________________________________

Title: “The First Single” – The Format

reblogging the heck out of this one

“It’s hard moving to a new place and sort of starting over, finding your niche. But it’s a million times harder RE-moving to someplace you’ve been before. It’s not what it used to be, and it’s not what you want it to be. Nothing feels right.” –Bex, An Enigmatic Enumeration of Events

I stumbled across this one over at Haute.Pocket (who I’ve been creeping on for a while now – I finally decided to chime in!), and there is truth to every word… For the longest time I’ve said moving home after college wasn’t going to happen, but putting life and money into perspective tend to lead your head and heart in different directions.

Now I Know Why I’m Single

Scenario:  Saturday night I was out with my friends from home. A and I started out on our own, sitting at a bar watching the Georgia game over beer and pizza, waiting on everyone else to get in town. When they finally arrived we ended up at my favorite bar, cheering with the rest of the crowd that had dodged the rain instead of sitting in the stadium.  After watching Georgia kick a winning field goal, screaming ‘Glory, Glory to Ol’ Georgia’ at the top of our lungs with the whole bar, and Dawg-calling for about twenty minutes, we decided to make some moves and ended up at three different bars with three times as many drinks, single-handedly leading a dance party at the last bar of the night.

Half the group left to go home, and the other half waited for our ride, and as we were walking out of the last bar I happened to notice a football player (whose name I will no longer ever mention), who I have a class with.

Mind you, we have never spoken more than our group discussion has allowed. He doesn’t know my name, and I only know his because I’m mother f-ing creepy (I also have this thing for athletes, and for football, and, well, that’s just a loaded combination).

I digress.

So I spot him as I’m walking out the door, and one of the 234,085 drinks I had that night told me it would be a good idea to call his name and say hi.  And that is precisely what I did. And all of a sudden one of the guys I was with absolutely NEEDED to see more of this guy. And I had to show him who I was talking about.  So I may or may not have pointed him out and called attention to A PERFECT STRANGER. Because that’s just what I do?

It didn’t occur to me to be embarrassed (read: humiliated, like want-to-dig-a-hole-crawl-in-and-die kind of embarrassed) until Sunday morning when I realized that, OH YEAH, CLASS MONDAY, where there are all of 20 people, and I’m one of them and SO IS HE, yeah I’m going to have to see him again.

I mean, it’s not like I saw Peyton Manning walking around and I was an adoring fan so I called his name, oh no. This kid is a college football player. Sure he might go pro one day, but right now? No one cares. Except me.

Needless to say I was mortified walking into class this morning. I totally lucked out as I walked in at the last minute and we watched a movie in the pitch black room for the entire class, but for the next ten-ish weeks I’m going to have to relive my horror on a tri-weekly basis.

Verdict: It’s no f*cking wonder I’m single.

Melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up,
You say my name like there could be an us -
I best tidy up my head, I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love.

Adele

Things I worry about on a daily basis and to no end:

• Money (although I’ve realized that all the money in the world isn’t going to make my life easier)
• Finding a job
• Making sure our condo is rented
• The state of my internship (I could go on for days about how I’m reading to much into nothing.)

Oddly enough, school isn’t on this list. The other day I calculated my GPA for the worst case scenario: One A and three C’s. It hit me nearly an hour later that I didn’t even so much as consider the best case scenario. Oops.