Dear Yourself 2.0,

Dear Sunshine,

Thanks for finally showing up! I can handle the wind, the light chill, the need for sunglasses, and the overall cheer you bring, but one more day of rainy, misty, mess-up-my-hair weather, and I would have gone into a coma and not moved from my bed until May.

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Dear Boy,

I’ve got nothing.

Ass.

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Dear Work,

While I love you and you keep providing me with plenty of nice things like dinners, drinks, clothes, and the freedom to do whatever I want, I’m kind of ready for a break. Just a little one.

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Dear Prior Commitments,

Why in the HELL do you think it is a good idea to meet on Saturday at 2 and Sunday at 1:30. I realize that we have to be accommodating, but THE WEEKEND?! The only thing I want to do on a Saturday during my senior year of college is wake up hungover late and take a drink out to the pool, seeing as how it will be the first PERFECT day all season. And you’d rather meet, on campus, in the middle of the day.

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Dear Easter,

I’ve been really good this year. I’ve held a chicken nugget IN MY HANDS and put it down before inhaling it. But one more week is going to drag on forever. All I really want right now is a mother-effing cheeseburger. Times five.

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Dear Self,

Lighten up.

kthanksbye.

Dear Yourself,

Dear Cute Neighbor,

Fuck you. You can’t take a hint, and I’m sick of trying to drop them. All you have to do is ask me downtown or to dinner, or just come over and hang out. But no, you don’t have a clue. I’ll give you one more chance, then I’m through (Not that I was ever looking anyway).
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Dear Body,

You might be resilient, but it’s time to work on your curves. Sorry I have been so unfaithful to you and the gym. Lets work on this. Tonight.
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Dear Grades,

You suck. I am tired of worrying about you, and you are taking up way too much of my time, plain and simple. How much longer until summer?
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Dear Life,

Maybe you will turn out how I want you to, maybe not. I’m trying to accept you though, and roll with the punches. You’re getting me down lately, things not turning out as planned. Maybe it’s time to lose the plan and just have fun. Guess we’ll just have to wait this one out.
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Dear Computer,

Don’t fail me now. We have been inseparable for three years now, and I can’t afford to replace you yet.
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Dear Bank Account,

It’s too bad that you’re empty, because there are plenty of things I need you for right now… A new bra, jeans, that new CD I’ve been wanting, wine…