holy shit

my back hurts.
I do believe I need to treat myself to a massage.
think I’ll get on that ASAP.

ouch.

BFF: So I’m coming to see you this weekend! I’m so excited I can’t stand it!!!

Me: YAY! We’re going to have so much fun!

BFF: I know! First I called K to tell her about it and she was all lkjsdaf;ljadsf!!!!!!!!!

Me: -oh-

BFF: Then I called E and she was like, BAHHHHH!!!!

Me: Huh. You are staying with me and you called me third?

BFF: Oh. Well. You sometimes don’t answer your phone and sometimes… blah blah…and I just knew they would both answer first because you are the busiest and ………

Me: Yeahhhh…ouch.

Right Now I Love…

• Sweet friends that call me by cute nick-names
• OCTOBER
• KINGS of LEON. Did I mention that I went to their concert? Or that I was in the FRONT ROW of the SOLD OUT SHOW at PHILIP’S ARENA? Like, could see Caleb’s facial hair kinda close? Yeah, post on that to come. It was freaking awesome.
• Weather at or below 50 degrees
• Sick days wherein I don’t leave my bed for at least 10 straight hours (although, nearly 30 minutes ago I was rolling around dying. I think I’m going to live)
• The fact that my mom called when I thought I was dying, told me to have some hot tea and go back to sleep, that she hoped I felt better, but SORRY! she had to run! (thanks, Mom)
• GLEE. I have all of the music from the first season so far. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, come back when you’ve caught up and we can discuss.
• Christmas parties. Yep, not even Thanksgiving yet, but you better believe Tacky Christmas 2.0 is in the works, and I’ve already been invited to two others.
• This video by Bon Iver, who probably deserves a bullet point just with his name alone. I’m obsessed.

OH P.S.!

It’s my two year ‘Blogoversary!’

Two whole years that I’ve been whining, complaining, venting, sharing the most random stuff known to man, and two years of writing.

Exciting!

If you are one of the many, many people who read this blog (hi, all five of you!), say Hi!

Here’s to two more!

Brick Wall.

I’m tired of the whole song and dance, the words that slip out and are “meant” one way but “mean” something else, and holding my breath to see what will happen.

I don’t need to play second fiddle to a soul.

I won’t be a matter of convenience, or the one you watch because you might have said too much.

Because sometimes it just doesn’t matter. And I just don’t care that much anymore.

taps

Flags lined the road of my small hometown.  Signs were displayed, billboards changed, and hundreds of people from my hometown dressed in red lined the streets to welcome our hometown hero back from overseas, back from a war in which he was proud to be serving.

The people of my hometown welcomed Captain F back to our town– in a pine box with a police escort.

Captain F died August 7, 2009, in combat, serving his country. He was a pilot, serving a ground mission he volunteered for, when he was killed in battle after taking out an important member of the Taliban. He was 29, and had been married for three weeks.

His family is widely known is our community. His mother was my science teacher, and his sisters – a year older and a year younger than myself – ran in the same circles I did.  Capt. F was a few years older and though I had never met him, I knew of the pride his family carried for him.

I learned he was killed while I was away for the weekend, but the affects of his death didn’t hit me until I was leaving my hometown on my way back to school. Seeing the support streaming out from my community was overwhelming, and I believe I cried halfway back to school .

Captain F is truly a hero. Being the first fallen soldier from my hometown, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I certainly didn’t expect to be broken-hearted for him and his family and affected as deeply as I have been.

This evening I purchased a card for Captain F’s family. I’m positive they will already receive a dozen of the exact same card. I’m also positive that there is nothing I can say that they haven’t already heard, but I’m not positive that hearing it one more time will hurt.  And while I write the most heartfelt condolences in my Hallmark card, the only thing I’d like to say is thank you, and I’m sorry. Thank you for supporting a son, brother, and husband in supporting his country. Thank you for allowing him to give his life for his country, and thank you for sharing his life with us in the aftermath.

And I’m so incredibly sorry that I can’t do anything to bring Capt. F back. I’m so sorry they can’t have their family member back, and I’m sorry for every second of pain it’s caused them.

Nothing can be done to repay a family for a tragedy such as this, and no Hallmark card can make up for his absence in the rest of their lives.

All that to say I can’t even write a simple one-liner on their card, because I know it wouldn’t be enough.

——–

Edit: this post is about almost a month old now. It’s taken a few weeks to sort out my thoughts, and a few tears along the way. However you do it, keep this family in your thoughts– my guess would be that it’s not getting any easier for them yet.

WTF

I’ve got to stop taking things so personally.

—–

But I’d like to update that everytime I do? It usually ends up working itself out before the night’s over.

this post will be about as interesting as this title.

I never paid attention in my ethics class. Ok, that’s not entirely true– I never paid attention to my professor, I usually just paid attention to my computer screen (which, consequently, contained anything BUT ethics). My professor taught the course based on all this philosophy BS, so for the most part I was zoned out. The one thing I did take away from that class, however, was my professor’s philosophy on exercise. The dude was completely BAFFLED as to why anyone would ever DRIVE to go work out– ‘wasn’t that an oxymoron?’ he’d ask, ’shouldn’t you save your gas and run wherever you were headed?’ And I’m sure we all grumbled in agreement in hopes that he would just continue about his lecture.

But the man had a point.

All that to say that today after I got off work, I planned to drive my car to a park (about 10 blocks from my parking deck) and run around the park. Well out of nowhere ol’ Sid (I can’t even remember his last name) popped into my head and I decided to run to the park and back, rather than driving to the park, etc., because really, why drive when it was within running distance?

So off I went, downhill most of the way and somewhat of a bitch the way back up, but there is nothing comparable to running down a city street with skyscrapers flanking both sides, especially when one is from the country and tends to stick to country roads and treadmills in the summer heat. I did, however, notice a few interesting things along my treck:

• I saw my first prostitute, only she wasn’t working a corner. She looked rough off though.
• A tranny stopped to let me run past and bowed and waved his (her?) arms as if announce my presence
• A half-eaten (disappeared) loaf of some sort of bread just chilling on the sidewalk
• In the neighborhood part of my run, broken class approximately every twenty feet on average
• Someone peeing behind a tree in the park
• A cat with all its long hair shaved except for on its head (it looked like a mini lion)
• A person dancing along to their headphones right out in the open
• A rooster crowing. Yes, in the middle of the city. No, I don’t know where it was coming from. And no, I’m not hearing things.
• Oh and about 6098324 attractive, topless men out running as well. Looks like I’ll be making a habit out of this

on Every Other front

Or just the one permanently raging inside my head.

+

Here’s what I’ve been living the past few weeks

I went to visit my two BFFs on their 22nd birthday with a few other friends, in town for less than 24 hours, and both of them stayed with their (shitty) boyfriends. Neither could BARE to stand ONE mother-f.ing NIGHT apart, and honestly, it was just wearing me out.

Funny thing is, the only thing I’m concerned about is the fact that I can’t feel concerned.  I can’t care about it, nor do I really want to.

+

Remember That Boy That I Just Couldn’t Shake? I only have a few sentiments for that situation: I’m not stupid– I see right through ALL of your bullshit and covers (and I like to make you squirm about it, too). And I am no competition for who I’m up against (boys are just gross–I’ll leave it at that).

+

Went to my second wedding of the summer, loads more fun than the first, and the afterparty with my three favorite girls was to. die. for. Ended up flirting like MAD (ahem) (quite the first and not my style in the least) with a boy from highschool only to find out that we both woke up on separate bathroom floors (low point) AND he’s dating someone (at least he isn’t married, as SBR found hysterical the next morning). Woke up with my girlies and laughed for about three hours straight, found a guitar pic in my cleavage on the way to brunch (tmi?), couldn’t make eye contact with said HS boy at brunch, and wouldn’t. change. a thing. about that weekend.

+

While this is a professional front, I was still fairly worried that the new intern that started today? That she might swoop in and be Little Miss Advertising and send me straight to the backburner? Yeah, she’s not that bad. We’re doing dinner soon.

+

Aside from a minor (collapse of a parking deck) incident with my car, which turned out fine, a broken computer that is finally fixed, living in between three houses, a lot of anxiety over which I have little control, and a freaking awesome family and group of friends that I live for,  lately I’ve been doing just fine

I’M BAAAACKKK

updates soon, I promise– for my own record if anything!

ahhhhh how good it feels to have my own computer in my lap on (kind of) my own bed!