The Facebook Project

This girl used to be the Queen of Facebook.

I was on top of my stalking (er, research). I always knew when someone was engaged, preggers, or (wait for it) broken up.  SBR and I would message back and forth pictures of the hot mess of the week (usually of a girl who called herself ‘Big Tits McGee’… how could you not follow that mess?!), and I was notorious for Facebooking nonsense for hours on end. This from the girl that attempted to give up Facebook for Lent sophomore year of college. My best friend ratted me out when I tried to have her look at my page from her account. Totally didn’t count as cheating. Ahem. My parents still won’t let me live that one down.

And the boys, oh the boys. If I was crushing on someone, I’d have their Facebook memorized.

(You totally can’t judge me right now… I’m just voicing how the system works. And that is how the system works.)

Anyways about two weeks ago I started saying how I was going to delete my profile, completely unbelieving of myself. And then three days later, on a Thursday, I actually did it. Everyone said for sure I’d be back on by Sunday. HA.

Well, it’s been a week and some change, and I still don’t have an active Facebook account (apparently it can never be deleted?).  My Facebook rehab is going well, and the only time I felt like I was missing out was when TBR asked if I’d seen the invite to the Divas 2009 party thrown by our favorite gay boys (not).

My only concern was how I’d keep in touch with friends, and thinking about it now I realize just how important (and sad, actually) of a link Facebook was to my friends. I’m still managing to keep up with them through e-mail, G-Chat, Twitter, and texting. I just need to disconnect for a while and get a few things in my life organized before I start wasting my time again.

And I guess not having a Facebook can’t hurt on the job-searching front either, right?

in the first place

I freaking LOVE this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O73ddhlKAs

[First Place by Eric Hutchinson]

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So. I vent all my frustrations and anxieties once I finally get my blog back, then like chopped liver I forget about it and that’s that. Major fail on my part.

Today I don’t have a vent, but a valid point I want to share, somewhat recapped from a post on SBR’s blog (that I won’t link to, unfortunately, in the interest of anonymity).

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Everyone has a story to tell– in theory, what you know about a person you hear from stories they’ve shared, stories about happenings in that person’s life.

All these stories are either good or bad or indifferent; they happen, they end up, and the storyteller has survived– whether happily or just barely, whole or broken– the story is being told.

And while you may not relate to every story of every person you come across, you can relate to the magnitude of that story.  What I mean is this: while the worst story of my life may not be as bad as yours, I can level with you on the fact that we both share a “worst”– that we both carry a story that bears the same amount of weight to its teller.

I guess SBR said it better, but the girl had a point.

a few things to discuss

• Quite embarrassingly, I’ve been playing two songs on repeat: Miley Cyrus “The Climb” (I know, I’m cringing just typing it out, but come on– you can’t say it isn’t catchy) and Soulja Boy “Kiss Me Through The Phone” (and don’t play like you don’t have that number memorized, too…678-999-8212)
• I suck at managing money. What I had allotted for dinner ($10) somehow turned into $25 sushi. At least it was good?
• The new intern asked me today at work if our company drug tested. Rewind, we’ve only been WORKING together for three days–now hold on just a minute. I didn’t realize we were that close, or that that was an appropriate question to just, you know, THROW OUT THERE. But no, in fact, to my knowledge there is no drug testing. I’m willing to bet that if there was,though, I’d pass and you’d fail.
• TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL THE WEEKEND! Meetings all day tomorrow (as well as a catered lunch, thank you local newspaper.com) will make the day fly by, and Friday I’ll be on my way home for the weekend, where I plan to eat at my restaurants, lounge in my super comfy bed, and play with my friends who I’ve been missing like mad.  What more could a girl ask for?
• And finally (and completely not funny for anyone who might read this other than myself-sorry!), my friend Travis referred to the location of his new apartment at the “Gay Times Square” tonight at dinner, and I’ve been laughing at it ever since.
• Ok, maybe it isn’t all that funny. Go ahead and start judging me based on my first bullet point and we can call it a night.

on Every Other front

Or just the one permanently raging inside my head.

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Here’s what I’ve been living the past few weeks

I went to visit my two BFFs on their 22nd birthday with a few other friends, in town for less than 24 hours, and both of them stayed with their (shitty) boyfriends. Neither could BARE to stand ONE mother-f.ing NIGHT apart, and honestly, it was just wearing me out.

Funny thing is, the only thing I’m concerned about is the fact that I can’t feel concerned.  I can’t care about it, nor do I really want to.

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Remember That Boy That I Just Couldn’t Shake? I only have a few sentiments for that situation: I’m not stupid– I see right through ALL of your bullshit and covers (and I like to make you squirm about it, too). And I am no competition for who I’m up against (boys are just gross–I’ll leave it at that).

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Went to my second wedding of the summer, loads more fun than the first, and the afterparty with my three favorite girls was to. die. for. Ended up flirting like MAD (ahem) (quite the first and not my style in the least) with a boy from highschool only to find out that we both woke up on separate bathroom floors (low point) AND he’s dating someone (at least he isn’t married, as SBR found hysterical the next morning). Woke up with my girlies and laughed for about three hours straight, found a guitar pic in my cleavage on the way to brunch (tmi?), couldn’t make eye contact with said HS boy at brunch, and wouldn’t. change. a thing. about that weekend.

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While this is a professional front, I was still fairly worried that the new intern that started today? That she might swoop in and be Little Miss Advertising and send me straight to the backburner? Yeah, she’s not that bad. We’re doing dinner soon.

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Aside from a minor (collapse of a parking deck) incident with my car, which turned out fine, a broken computer that is finally fixed, living in between three houses, a lot of anxiety over which I have little control, and a freaking awesome family and group of friends that I live for,  lately I’ve been doing just fine

on the Professional front

OMG it feels good to finally have an outlet again! My computer crashed at the intersection of “moving to the city for a summer internship” and “what the hell am I doing in this huge place with few friends and nothing to do?!”  In a round-about way, its been fixed, I’ve got my life (semi-) back in order, and here we are! Not a whole lot different that I was on May 6 when I cut up my credit card (still broke, by the way, just working my way out of the teeny debt I managed to rack up), or on May 2 when I decided (what’s new) that it all boils down to nothing in the end.  And I’m almost (but not quite) past all those (drunk) rants, but I’m going to save that for another post.

Lots going on in my busy head these days, so here goes the fairly abbreviated version:

I’m in a new city for the summer, living in a new house with new roommates, working hard at an unpaid internship and depending on my parents for an income (not so fond of that part– in fact, it BLOWS).  But I’m right where I want to be at advertising agency with lots of fun perks and a big-girl cube with a view (uh, when I turn around and look over another cube) so I’m going to say that its Totally Worth It.

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Said internship, however, brings me to my next point. Internet, I have one semester of school left. This coming from a girl who was, a few months ago, certain she was ready for the real world, but Holy Shit, can we hold on just a minute, please…. You mean I’m supposed to graduate at 22 and I’m expected to just get a job and sit behind a desk for the better part of the next 35 years? Isn’t 22 a little YOUNG for that?

So at this point (and I finally broke the news, if you will, to my parents), I’m weighing my options, seeking out other self-supporting means of making money, and I’ll be damned if I don’t just up and head to NYC and park it on a street corner (only kidding). Either that or something abroad of the nannying, bare minimum $ nature, just so I can get out for a while and explore. Or at least put off a job and have a little fun before I start my working girl life.

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And you aren’t allowed to roll your eyes and say I told you so if I take a job offer in the same town at the end of this year. I won’t find it amusing.

A few things I’ve realized this weekend

In no particular order:

• I love birthdays. Neighbor’s turning 21, and it makes me so excited for him. Or maybe I just wish I was turning 21 again. What I’ve learned? It’s all down hill from there
• I’m really good at putting my foot in my mouth. What’s new.
• I have yet to see a curly or long-haired dog and think that its cute.  And if I’ve ever said it might be cute, it was only so ugly it was cute.
• I’m super excited for the opportunity to live in Atlanta this summer, but I’m terrified that I’ll miss out on all the fun here if I do (but I’ll just have to suck it up at that point… nothing’s stopping me now)
• I’m really concerned about money right now. As in, I’m going broke, and I spend everything before I can think about putting it in a savings account. But in college isn’t that how its supposed to be?
• That its time to completely throw out the “life plan.” I’ve long since aborted the whole “married by 2-, kids two years late” BS. It will turn just right no matter how and when, and the only thing getting me to the finish is faith. It’s worked this far.
• I can’t listen to music (whether I know it or not) without singing or humming along. Even if I don’t like the song.
• School? All the worrying, studying, grueling pain-in-the-ass classes, late nights, and coffee-induced dazes. None of it matters. We will graduate as planned, GPA barely passing or outstanding, who cares. We will get a degree, find a job, and grow to love whatever career we should choose. And if we don’t love it, we’ll look until we’re content (That’s for you SBR! F Physics).
• Friendships that fade always have the potential to come back around. My BFF from home ignored my texts and calls, and ignored me as I came to her town for dinner. Two weeks ago. And I still haven’t heard from her. And quite frankly, I don’t care. When she needs me, I’ll be there, and until then, she knows where to find me.
• Officially two weeks and three days (!!!OMFG) until summer. Three weeks from tomorrow I’ll start my INTERNSHIP! AT THAT INTERACTIVE AGENCY THAT I INTERVIEWED FOR! THAT I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT! And holy shit, I’m going to be a young professional in training, because this time next year I’ll BE a young professional.

So that’s life right now. Lots to talk about, plenty I should be working on, and hell, I don’t really care.

Can I just say….

AAHHHHH;lkjasdflkjasdf

asdfl;kjasdf;lkjadsf;lkjaf;lkjasdflj

lkajdsf;ljadsfwoiujsa;lckfjafv

aweoriujafsd;lgnas;giuawerr

adokjasdlkjfa;lkjfasdf’pasd;lkfjaflkjaf

F MY LIFE.

I feel a little better now. Things with The Boy are not working out as I had planned… while at the same time our friendship is fine-and-freaking-dandy.

I’m not making any assumptions, I just want to rant about it. I want to yell and scream and get some mother-effing answers to questions that everyone’s asking. And most importantly, I want it to turn out in my favor. There has been so much swimming around my head for the past 48 hours that it’s almost unreal, and we all know that I don’t do well when left alone with my thoughts for too long.

And I don’t feel like going further into it than that.

Y’all. Drunk post of the century right here. I’ve already made three corrections in the first sentance, but damn it to hell if this post isn’t the most gramatically correct one I’ve completed in a while.

Anyways.

Tonight I went out with a few neighbors, friends, and The Boy. And Internet, The Boy is just NOT turning out how I want him too.

For starters, my sweet little SBR and my closest neighbor A both think The Boy is Gay. Not such an easy one to swallow. But tonight, when he started “flirting” with someone else (a girl who is in love with another neighbor, so it doesn’t really matter but it kind of does and it still makes me jealous/sad/mad/WHATEVER), I just lost it. As in, quit talking to him, quit looking at him, whatevs. So when The Boy’s new girl starts flirting back with her neighbor boy (can you even follow me here?), and The Boy starts chatting with me, and I’m all “oh E, let’s CHAT, you are so COOL, FML I HATE THE BOY ACROSS FROM ME,” well y’all. That’s all I got. E went to his house, The Boy went off with my boy neighbor, SBR never came out, A (who thinks The Boy is gay to begin with) came home sad that HIS boy didn’t come home with him, and here the fuck am I, trying, hoping, praying, wishing, and so-help-me-Lord-typing-gramatically-correct-in-my-drunken-stupor ALONE.

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

Honestly.

I’m trying to keep the faith. I’m trying so hard. And I won’t give up, not now, not ever, and not because I know I shouldn’ t.

But sometimes life, LOVE, is hard.

OH and FML x2 when my phone vibrates at 2:32 in the morning, and my stupid self, eager to see who it might be, finds a txt from BANK of AMERICA, telling me my daily balance.

REALLY?!

Dear Yourself 2.0,

Dear Sunshine,

Thanks for finally showing up! I can handle the wind, the light chill, the need for sunglasses, and the overall cheer you bring, but one more day of rainy, misty, mess-up-my-hair weather, and I would have gone into a coma and not moved from my bed until May.

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Dear Boy,

I’ve got nothing.

Ass.

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Dear Work,

While I love you and you keep providing me with plenty of nice things like dinners, drinks, clothes, and the freedom to do whatever I want, I’m kind of ready for a break. Just a little one.

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Dear Prior Commitments,

Why in the HELL do you think it is a good idea to meet on Saturday at 2 and Sunday at 1:30. I realize that we have to be accommodating, but THE WEEKEND?! The only thing I want to do on a Saturday during my senior year of college is wake up hungover late and take a drink out to the pool, seeing as how it will be the first PERFECT day all season. And you’d rather meet, on campus, in the middle of the day.

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Dear Easter,

I’ve been really good this year. I’ve held a chicken nugget IN MY HANDS and put it down before inhaling it. But one more week is going to drag on forever. All I really want right now is a mother-effing cheeseburger. Times five.

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Dear Self,

Lighten up.

kthanksbye.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I want one of those ice-cream sandwiches with a cookie on each side.

I’m also craving a cheeseburger [I gave up meat for Lent]. You better believe I’m having one for breakfast Easter morning.

Its raining outside, for the bajillionth day in a row. Its not helping my morale.

My room is half-clean, and it seems like everything is just “half” right now.

There might be a Boy in my life.

He came on strong at first [in a good way], but now I’m not so sure.

That would be typical though, someone reeling me in, sucking up at first and then letting me hang on the line as long as awkwardly possible (hint: I’m getting ready to call it quits).

I’m sorry this post was less than informative, and very, very choppy.

The end.