Melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up,
You say my name like there could be an us -
I best tidy up my head, I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love.

Adele

“so hard to get warm when it’s so easy to get burned”

Gorgeous day out in the sunshine, with 234,930 new freckles. So much to occupy my time, but I’m going to be lazy instead and listen to the new Gavin Degraw album, “Free”

Check it:

And I wanna be free
Wind in my hair
Salt on my skin
Sun in the air
I have to feel love
Holding on me
I’ll give you everything that you would ever need

I want power in my words, I want passion in my eyes. And when I wake up, I want life to be a surprise…

I’ve never heard this song by Tegan and Sara, but when I stumbled across it earlier it spoke volumes.

gonna quit my job and move to new york

somebody told me— that’s where dreamers should go

gonna quit my job and move to new york

tattoo my body with every broadway show………….

…………can’t get out from a sky that is falling

–Sara Bareilles, “Vegas”

Love her. Love right now. Just feels right

some mad hope

Heartbreak world: Come on, let’s make this dream that’s barely half-awake come true. [Matt Nathanson]
—–
Ever have those days where your heart feels like it just might explode? No reason, even.

Just where my heart is.

testing the strong one

I’ve never seen a heart this tired, never seen a spirit held down……

Knockin’ Me Sideways

You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away

–”Sideways” by Citizen Cope

I’m Not Lost, Just Undiscovered

We’re all the same as each other.

You think that I want to run and hide
That I keep it all locked up inside, but I just want you to find me

I’m not lost; not lost, just undiscovered
And when we’re alone we are all the same as each other

You see the look that’s on my face
You might think I’m out of place
I’m not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

I’m not running
I’m not hiding
If you dig a little deeper you will find me

I’m not lost, just undiscovered.

[[James Morrison "Undiscovered"]]

I Can’t Feel It Right Now

I had every intention of sitting down and recounting the reasons I love my friends, for instance, how we sat around tonight for hours and talked and laughed like we get to do it all the time, when in reality it was the first time I’d seen some of them since Christmas. Or about how, even though we had explicit plans for the whole weekend, my friend K stood me up for her asshole boyfriend (twice, but who’s counting?). Or about how sometimes, just when you are ready to up and leave and are bored to tears sitting at home for the 9th day in a row, your family pulls through and you have the time of your life.

Then I heard this song.

James Morrison, “Wonderful World.”

To be fair (to my love life, that is) only a few lines really hit me, vocalized perfectly for all the times that I get upset and have trouble saying why:

And I know that it’s a wonderful world
But I can’t feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it’s a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you’re here, here with me

At least I know someone else feels the same way. Being home all day for the past week or so has left me with a lot of time to think.  I’m bummed about Cute Neighbor (right, get over it I know), and I don’t have anyone else to think about now.  I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life: I just turned down an interview for NEW YORK (I know, what was I thinking), BECAUSE I’m continuing my current job for the summer– a move that I thought would help me out is actually holding me back.  Right now I have very little money and no cash flow, and the fact that I owe my parents for the dent in my car and I need to pay off a credit card bill is starting to wear on me.

On a less-whiny note, I love my girlfriends who have their priorities straight.  They can juggle friendships and relationships. I’m done trying with K, but I know at this point she’s not thinking about it.  She actually said she could see herself marrying her asshole boyfriend.  So when I’m standing behind her at the altar and the priest says “speak now or forever hold your peace?” Me? I’m going to laugh. That is not a marriage I can support. Not for her, not for anyone.

Two more days then I’m headed back to the home I occupy for 3/4 of the year.  I can’t wait to be back. Back in my comfy bed, my happy place.  In the interim, I’ve been watching Lost re-runs on ABC.com. Y’all. I am hooked. I’m only into the first season and I wanna jump Jack’s bones.

I Swear, Y’all, I Don’t Know Where I Get These From…

But I’m gonna keep posting them. Lyrics that pretty much describe my life. Enjoy.

Don’t wish, don’t start

Wishing only wounds the heart

I wasn’t born for the rose and pearl

There’s a girl I know He loves her so

I’m not that girl… –”I’m Not That Girl” Wicked!